DTC Quiz

A quiz from fellow DTC'ers... play along
1) What side of the heart do you draw first? The right
2) Can you dive without plugging your nose? I can't dive. I'm a baby.
3) What color is your razor? pink
4) What is your blood-type? o-
5) Who would you want to be tied to for 24 hours? I dunno.
6) What is a rumor someone has spread about you? That I was a lesbian. Didn't bother me at all.
7) How do you feel about carrots? I like the baby ones.
8) How many chairs at the dining room table? 6
9) Which is the best spice girl? Ginger
10) Do you know what time it is? 11:55 AM
11) Do you know all the words to the Fresh Prince song? Yep
12) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator? laugh
13) What's your favorite kind of gum? Orbit Sweet Mint
14)T or F: All's fair in love and war? F
15) Do you have a crush on anyone? lots and lots
16) Do you know how to use some words correctly, but not know the meaning? I can't think of any at the moment.
17) Do you like to sleep? yes
18) Do you know which US states don't use Daylight Savings? I know of two.
19) Do you know the song Total Eclipse of the Heart? Yep
20) Do you want a bright yellow '06 mustang? Ummm no.
21) What's something you've always wanted? A child.
22) Do you have hairy legs? No. If I don't shave at least every other day I feel dirty.
24) Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake? Ocean for sure!
25) Do you wear a lot of black? Yes, hides a multitude of sins!
26) Describe your hair. Blonde, just pass my shoulders, and straight as a board.
27) Do you have Entomophobia? What?
28) Are you an adult? Yes, but I have to remind people of that all of the time.
29) Where is/are your best friends? My bestest friends are here.
30) Do you have a tan? I wish.
31) Are you a television addict? Winter yes. Summer no.
32) Do you enjoy spending time with your mother? Yep.
33) Are you a sugar freak? Sometimes
34) Do you like orange juice? yes
35) What sign are you? Aries/Tuarus
36) What color is your Cell Phone? Silver
37) Where do you wish you were right now? China!!

Latest Referral Batch

The Stork Alert is out today. Referrals are up to 09/08/05. I expected this yesterday. Still, there was the hope for a bigger batch. Smaller batches mean longer wait times.

It's hard to explain to people about why the wait times are unpredictable, but getting longer every month. My grandmother feels that we should ditch China and go domestic. I'm at a loss of words trying to explain to her why we need to stay. My child is in China, that is all I need to know. This wait is hardest thing that I have ever gone through, but I'm not going to stop because it's hard. Still, I'm surrounded by people that doubt why we stay. I'm not going to give up. That is all there is to it and I really don't want any more suggestions to leave. We chose China because it was the best fit for us. This wait sucks, but the facts are still the same. I'm heart and Frenchie is brain. For us to come together in what we both felt was right means that it was and is still best for us.

Google left a message on our machine last night. Frenchie did not get the job. He is doing very well. Disappointed of naturally, but doing well.

Winter Crappy Wonderland...

I need summer. I need sunshine. I need to not be freezing my ass off. Winter has shown it's ugly face this morning. It took me an hour and a half to get to work this morning and I took the toll to get in faster. We didn't get that much snow, but it's so cold that the roads are just sheets of ice. It's days like today that I can't help but to dream of a warm day on the beach. The salt on my lips, the sun on my skin, and a smile on my face. These are the images that get me through.

A was really great about everything. She was so understanding and supportive that it made me cry. She may never know how hard it is, but she loves me enough to try to understand. I can't tell you what that means to me.

It's a big rumor mill day. Last week the big rumor was that CCAA would get through all of 09/05 in this next referral batch. That rumor is dead and buried. The new information points to them getting to 09/07/05. It's also up in the air if they have sent these referrals or not. It's a wait and see thing. I can't help but to be a little more than bummed that the all of September rumor isn't true. I knew that it was just too good. Some times we all let ourselves be suckered into an idea just because we need something to get us through for a while.

Quick Post

Urg. I need sleep. Last night was the first with Ayden. He NEVER went to sleep. So I was awake yesterday at 5:30 AM and didn't get to sleep until after midnight. Still, it wasn't so bad. Ang (my hero) came over to help me out. I'm new to Ayden and he's new to me. It will just take some time until we are both comfortable with each other.

I can't really read Frenchie on how the interview went. I guess that we'll just wait and see.

I'm going to have to talk to A today about the shower. I'm really freaked out that she'll be upset with me.

Negative Nelly Strikes Again!!

I'm struggling with something that I thought that I would share. It's A's baby shower. She really wants ME to do it. I love doing that sort of thing. I think that it's fun to plan and see it all the way through. A and I are just so close these days that it's only natural that I would be certain to host a shower for her. Here are my issues. I no more have the money or the heart to do it. The thought of it really brings tears to my eyes. I have avoided baby showers for years and now I have to give one? I can already see the party in my head. I'll hold myself together pretty well. The guests will not see that I just want to go cry for an hour in the bathroom. Then there will be that one person that thinks that they are being nice and will say something to the affect that mine will be next. I will then have to whip out the giant ninja sword that I keep in my purse and stab that person to death, twice. I won't get my deposit back on the room due to the blood soaked carpet. I'll end up going to prison and share a cell with someone named Fistie. Okay, Okay, I know. I just don't want to do it. How do I tell A? Do I just suck it up and be an adult and more importantly a good sister? Am I being totally selfish by not wanting to do it? Can I hold myself together enough to do it? Please, someone tell me what to do!!

While I'm on it, I have something else that I just need to get out there. I want to take out that giant ninja sword from my purse and kill my husband, just once. Okay not really. Frenchie is the greatest man. He really is. The thing is that I feel like I'm all alone in this wait. He's very practical. He sees the wait as an opportunity to control debt. If nothing happens for a year then the student loan will be paid off. If it goes out a year and a half, no biggie because the one of the cars will be paid off. He sees me as being impatient. I don't see it as impatience as much as heartache. Just like everyone else we have financial stress. I do understand that. I'm just not sure that he always understands that if I really do crack like a nut, it will cost even more to keep me medicated in the looney bin. I know that he wants a family just as much as I do, but some times I wouldn't mind seeing that. I guess in the end since I'm perhaps overly emotional that he needs to be the steady rock. So why am I bitching?

Can you tell that I'm feeling sorry for myself BIG TIME? I'm not sure if it's the holidays. It could be PMS. It could be that I'm always on the verge of a melt down, but never let myself go there and get it over with.

In other non complaining / negative spews, I made the cutest baby size quilt top this weekend. Just the top since we won't learn the actual quilting part until next week. Still, I'm in love with it. I keep looking at it still beaming with pride. I can't help it. When I'm proud of something that I have created it just takes over. Silly I know, but I'm okay with it. At first I thought that I was going to make it for one of the many pregnant girls in my life. Now, I don't know. Do I really like any of them enough to part with my beloved quilt top? Maybe, I'll think about it.

Hope that you all have a lovely and happy Thanksgiving.

5 Month LID

Today is our five month anniversary of being LID. I find myself counting the days until the 15th of each month. Not that it's real, but it can feel like we are making progress. The truth of the matter is that I pray that there will be a speed up and that we'll actually get referral by this time next year. I do my best to stay grounded in my expectations. It's a pain that can't be put into words to see that wait grow longer and longer. So here's to my dream that hope prevails and our dreams come true sooner rather than latter.

I "lurk" a blog of a girl that is LID the same day as us. I love it that she does not fall short in her firm belief that we'll be referred in June of 2007. I'm not sure if I wish I were more like her or if I'm better off with my "realistic" view of a stretched out wait. Either way, it's still nice to see this through her eyes.

So last night Ang and I went shopping for my Christmas party dress. I was hoping that I would be able to wear a dress that I already have, but have never worn to the party. That was a joke. I've certainly pudged out since I wore that bad boy last. We went to all the normal places. After only trying on two dresses with one being a maybe it wasn't a fruitful shopping trip. I have not given up. I'll be back out tonight. As I was growing up we never had the money to waste on fancy party dresses. As I was looking through my closet at all the fancy party dresses that I have it was a little odd for me. It's silly but I'm thrilled that I have not only been able to buy all these dresses, but that I've actually needed them.

This and that...

My first quilting class was great. There are six other ladies in my class. Three are old enough to be my grandma and three are old enough to be my mom. All of them are very sweet. Back in the day I was always the youngest, but hasn't been that way for a long time. It was odd to be the youngest by twenty years. I wasn't sure that I'd fit in at first, but after just minutes felt just fine. I should have known. It's not exactly like women my age are chomping at the bit to quilt. I must be an old lady on the inside. It took the entire six hours of class to complete one block. Our homework was to complete the other twelve and then put them together. I seriously spent six hours doing nothing but sewing, cutting, and ironing yesterday. The good news is that my homework is done.

In other greater news Frenchie has been asked to interview in person at Google's Mtn View, CA campus. That's my man right there! As many of you know, this is his dream. I am so proud of him. Let's all keep our fingers crossed!!


I don't have any adoption related news to tell. I guess that they'll be increasing the criteria, but I think that we'll be fine since we are already LID.

My Papaw

My Papaw's birthday is just around the corner. I had been thinking about writing about the wonderful people in my life for quite some time. I think that I'll start with him.

My Papaw is a strong and tall man. He has been and will always be someone that I can't help but look to as a perfect man. When A was born my Papaw packed us up and moved us in with them. So I spent my very young years with this man that I so adore. I can't even explain who he is in words. What I can express is that he was a father figure to me before I got my dad. I think that we have a very special bond. He had eight grandchildren and I'm sure that we all know that we have a special place individually in his heart. The thing is that there is such a strong connection between us. I remember special days where he would take me, just me, for a day out with his mother. I don't remember too much from those days, but I'll never forget how great it felt to be there with those two. I was always so happy to be there. She was kind, sweet, and filled with so much love for me. There is no doubt in my mind that my Papaw got his heart from her. I worshipped him as a child and I'm not sure that much has changed there. At bed time I had to do kisses before I went to bed. Sure I kissed Mom and Mamaw, but I saved the best stuff for my Papaw. Even now, I have to kiss him twice before we part. He's not a man that talks about his emotions, but I don't need to hear the words from him since I know how he feels. Politics aside, I can talk to him about almost anything. He makes me laugh out loud even if he doesn't mean to. He is supportive of me until the end. He has never talked down to me when I've made a mistake and he is only praises when I've made him proud. I can't help but to respect him for all that he was, is, and will be. I know how fortunate I am that I have had this man to help shape my life. I feel that if I have inherited anything from the person that he is that I'm the luckiest girl for it. I can't wait for the day that he hold my daughter in his arms. I know that she'll look up to him and see the same beautiful and loving man that I do.

PS - I did want to mention that we got THE BROWN ENVELOPE. It does not speed up our wait or anything, but it's a nice reminder that we have not been forgotten.

What's your sign?

So I read on the RQ that the number one thing that they match for in China adoption is the Chinese Zodiac. Silly as you may think that I am, I jumped into some zodiac research. Frenchie (1975) is a Rabbit. I (1976) am a Dragon. I believe that we'll either get matched with a Dog (2006)or a Pig (2007)due to timing. Here is what I have found out:
Rabbit and Dog rate 8 out of 10 in compatibility.
Dragon and Dog rate 2 out of 10 in compatibility.
Rabbit and Pig rate 9 out of 10 in compatibility.
Dragon and Pig rate 8 out of 10 in compatibility.
So I think Sophia will be a Pig!! That sounds really bad, I know. I just need something to keep me going.

Mom and A came down for the weekend. Miss Ang joined us for a day of baby shopping followed by a Christmas expo. It really was a lovely weekend, but I won't pretend that it was easy. It's an awful place to be in. I wanted to break down and cry about every five minutes. But that would have made A feel like crap. I really didn't want that to happen. It just really sucked being surrounded by everything baby. Every moment was a reminder that I am not a mom and may not be one for years. It physically hurt. I love my sisters dearly and I am so happy for them from the bottom of my soul. The thing is that doesn't stop my own pain when I think that they are experiencing feelings that I'll never know. They are months away from the greatest love in the world. They have a due date. I'm standing in a line for that love that just gets longer and longer every day. There is no end in sight for me. - Okay, enough with the self pitty.

CCAA update....

Good news! The referral cut off was 8/25/05. It was a 15% increase over the last few months. This is news to celebrate. There has not been anything this positive in such a long time. It gives us hope for the future.

I find that I wish time away. The wait is so hard. People are always saying to enjoy it. I think that they are dumb. Like really dumb. I think that it's like labor pains. A woman can look back on it while holding her beautiful baby and say it wasn't so bad. Ask her during labor how bad it is. Nope, smart enough to avoid that right? It's easy for adopters holding their little girl to look back with a haze that hides so much of the pain. The wait for adoption is not so much like a human being pushed through my hooha. It's a longer slower pain. My vagina is fine, but my heart hurts. I'm not physically fragile. I am totally bull in china shop emotional fragile. I'm going to be that way for a long time.

Only treats...No tricks

It was a pretty quiet Halloween, but a nice one all the same. I opened up the curtains to the front window, turned off all the lights, and lit every candle. Frenchie said that it looked so inviting from the outside. Inside it was so sweet and soothing. Not all my hood kids stopped by. I was a little bummed about that. But my other little buddies came to my house first or last knowing that I would hook them up. Kacey was smart enough to come by twice knowing that I would keeping giving him candy as many times as he came over. There were lots of great costumes and total little loves. We had just the perfect amount of candy. It was so damn cold that we did not get near as many as last year.

I had lunch with the girls and my little man Ayden yesterday. Lordy that boy is so big. I never thought that I'd ever call a seven pound - four month old big, but I love to tell him what a fatty he is. He is such a sweet baby. Okay so a little over dramatic like his mom, but even that's so damn cute I can stand it. I had a nice time chatting with Tosha and Shayna. It's nice to get out of work where you can really talk. I hope that we do it more often.

It looks like the Stork Alert is on. The RQ says that it looks like it's at least going to 8/24/05. I guess that we'll have to wait and see. I think that even getting to my year will help. Once I see 2006 starting to come it will be much better. I might feel like I'm actually in the game.