Support -

There was a message on my machine when I got home last night. It was from a lady that does this support group thing for waiting families at my adoption agency. She sounded super nice. She wants us to call her back and let her know how we are doing. I really don't want to call her back. I'm not sure what to tell her my feelings are. Do I talk about the months that I spent crying when the wait started to stretch out? I don't really do that any more. Do I tell her my excitement over planning our future family? I don't do that any more either. In fact, I really don't do much of anything at all. I avoid all adoption discussions like the plague. I think of Sophie's nursery as a big joke any more. I had spent all that time and money to have a room that we don't use and that we don't even like to go into any more. My day dreams have stopped, but on the up side so have my tears. So that leaves me with this very matter of fact non-emotion thing going on. I'm not really sure that this chick wants to talk about my lack of feelings. So I'm not really sure what I want to do about this call yet. There had been another one about a month ago that I just ignored. Since she's calling again I have a feeling that this could just continue on until I do talk to her. I don't want to be rude in any way to her. It really is a lovely thing that she's doing. It's just not what I need any more. I'm not angry. I'm not excited. I'm not much of anything. It's my old war wound. It about killed me at the time, but now it's numb. I know that it is there, but I just try to hide the scar the best I can and get on with life.