I'm ditching this blog and have started a new one. It's just a healthier way for me to go. Instead of crying, bitching, and raging I want to just start new. It will be more about the experience rather than the exposed wound known as me. So if you want to check it out feel free.
posted by me @ 8:07 AM
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The phone rings, who do you want it to be? Ang. It's not like we aren't talking. Just not enough lately.
When shopping at the grocery store, do you return your cart? Not to the actual store, but totally to the cart corral thing.
In a social setting, are you more of a talker or a listener? Depends on who is there. I can be the total wall flower, but for the most part I can't keep my trap shut.
Do you take compliments well? Depends on what the compliment is.
Do you play Sudoku? No, I've never tried it.
If abandoned alone in the wilderness, would you survive? UMMMM....... Really no. I refuse to pee in nature. My idea of roughing it is a night without cable.
Do you like nipple rings? I'm not into them, but what ever gets you off.
Did you ever go to camp as a kid? I was 18 for my first and LAST camping trip. Not my bag.
What was your favorite game as a kid? I was rather skilled in the art of TV tag.
Could you date someone with different religious beliefs than you? Yup. I'm always interested in different beliefs.
Do you like to pursue or be pursued? To be.
Do any songs make you cry? Since everything makes me cry I'll say yes. I'm not a big fan of country music in general, but just thing of Reba's song All Dressed Up and No Where to Go brings the pins and needles feeling to my eyeballs.
Are you continuing your education? No. I wanted to but the idea of it freaks me out too bad.
Do you know how to shoot a gun? Are you kidding? Every male member of my family belongs to the NRA. Not even remotely interested myself.
If your house was on fire, what would be the first thing you grab? Tivo
Do you think more about the past, present or future? Hummm..... I'm not really sure. I think about them pretty equally.
Favorite children’s book? The Very Quiet Cricket.
What color are your eyes? Blue/Grey
How tall are you? 5'6
Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yep.
Where was the furthest place you traveled today? To work
Do you like mustard? Just a little bit.
Do you look like your mom or dad? Mom
How long does it take you in the shower? Generally about 15 minutes, but I prefer to stay in till I drain the hot water entirely.
Can you do splits? No, I'm not quite that bendie
What movie do you want to see right now? Super Bad
What did you do for New Year’s? That was almost a year ago, I so cannot remember.
Do you think The Grudge was scary? It started out that way.
Do you own a camera phone? Nope.
Was your mom a cheerleader? No, she was more of a wild child.
What’s the last letter of your middle name? E
How many hours of sleep do you get a night? 8
Do you like care bears? Now no, but back in the day they totally rocked.
What do you buy at the movies? BIG water
Do you know how to play poker? No.
Do you wear your seatbelt?: Absolutely. You’re a fool not to.
What do you wear to sleep? Tshirt and shorts these days
Is your tongue pierced? Nope.
Do you like Liver and Onions? Nope.
Are you in love? YES!!!
Do you like funny or serious people better? Funny!
Ever been to L.A.? Only driven through.
Do you steal or pay for your music downloads? 99 cents at a time, on iTunes.
Are you a gullible person? More often than not.
Do you need a boyfriend/girlfriend to be happy? No, and I don't get people that do. I'm with Frenchie because I want to not because I need to.
If you could have any job (assuming you have the skills) what would it be? Interior designer.
Are you easy to get along with? I think so.
What is your favorite time of day? mid day
Would you rather sleep alone or with someone? With my big boy.
Would you give up the one you love/care for the most to become immortal? Never.
What animal are you most like? Not a clue.
What kind of tea do you like the most? Iced peach
Do you laugh at peoples’ stupidity? Yes, but they laugh at me too so it's all good.
Do you feel guilty for doing so after you’re done laughing? Not really.
posted by me @ 6:46 PM
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I took some time off from blogging to change some things about myself. I left my job of the last nine years. My job was so much more than my job. It was something that I created and brought to life. I loved it very much for a long time. When that love faded I could not let go. I let it almost ruin me. It was a big deal for me to leave, but I FINALLY did it. I have taken a position that pays MUCH less, but in the end I'm getting back so much more. The world of work no longer sits on my shoulders. I'm very happy with this change. Frenchie is so proud of me. That right there was worth it. At my new gig I have decided NOT to tell people about our adoption. There will be no more questions and answers that make me so emotional. I'll be able to put it out of my mind as much as I can. I still think about it every five minutes, but that's much better than it was. Instead of sitting in my office all day alone and left to my thoughts of hurt about the adoption wait I am now surrounded by people. It's really hard to dwell on your own issues when there are people all around you. I won't be able to go so deep into myself. Less me time is a good thing. I really feel like I'm in a great place. Leaving my job was the most drastic thing that I could have done. I did it and feel like a different person.
posted by me @ 7:41 PM
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Hi I am a blog reading whore and have been for several years. There is a blog that I read just about every day. I have been reading that blog since before they went to China to pick up their daughter. So it caught me off guard when the chick blogged about it being their two year anniversary (forever family day) with their daughter. WTF? Has it been that long? Have I really been here reading about other people's families for more than two years? Wow, I'm totally loyal yet pathetic at the same time. I'm not really sure what to think. Have these blogs helped me to cope with my own adoption or do I just have some family "voyeur" kink? Hell, even if it's the kink I really doubt that will stop me.
posted by me @ 1:24 PM
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There was a message on my machine when I got home last night. It was from a lady that does this support group thing for waiting families at my adoption agency. She sounded super nice. She wants us to call her back and let her know how we are doing. I really don't want to call her back. I'm not sure what to tell her my feelings are. Do I talk about the months that I spent crying when the wait started to stretch out? I don't really do that any more. Do I tell her my excitement over planning our future family? I don't do that any more either. In fact, I really don't do much of anything at all. I avoid all adoption discussions like the plague. I think of Sophie's nursery as a big joke any more. I had spent all that time and money to have a room that we don't use and that we don't even like to go into any more. My day dreams have stopped, but on the up side so have my tears. So that leaves me with this very matter of fact non-emotion thing going on. I'm not really sure that this chick wants to talk about my lack of feelings. So I'm not really sure what I want to do about this call yet. There had been another one about a month ago that I just ignored. Since she's calling again I have a feeling that this could just continue on until I do talk to her. I don't want to be rude in any way to her. It really is a lovely thing that she's doing. It's just not what I need any more. I'm not angry. I'm not excited. I'm not much of anything. It's my old war wound. It about killed me at the time, but now it's numb. I know that it is there, but I just try to hide the scar the best I can and get on with life.
posted by me @ 11:47 AM
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posted by me @ 11:28 AM
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It just hit me that we passed our 13 month LID anniversary date without me even realizing it. I remember back in the day when the wait was said it was going to be 14 months. I was so upset by that. It literally hurt me. Then it was going to be 18 months and I cried for days and days. Now I'm thinking that we'll pass way over 2 and more like 3. It kinda makes me laugh in a strange way. This reminds me of when I was a little girl. If I was going on crying about something (that was probably over dramatic) my Mom would say "If you don't quit I'll give you something to cry about!". So I feel like China is my Mom giving me something to cry about. Don't worry no tears or anything like that. Just noticed the date is all.
posted by me @ 11:37 AM
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Mom wasn't happy about the way I changed my blog. Let's see if she likes the pink any better.
posted by me @ 1:00 PM
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I love mean wit. I don't even mind if it's directed at me as long as it's funny. Hell, I'll probably laugh harder than anyone. So Frenchie this weekend told me that it was probably a good thing that I was an "evolutionary dead end". I laughed so hard that it hurt a little. I was so proud of him. He's not a guy that comes up with too many clever digs so it's important that I praise him for his meanness. Besides, what good is infertility if you can't have fun with it?
posted by me @ 10:09 AM
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