Negative Nelly Strikes Again!!

I'm struggling with something that I thought that I would share. It's A's baby shower. She really wants ME to do it. I love doing that sort of thing. I think that it's fun to plan and see it all the way through. A and I are just so close these days that it's only natural that I would be certain to host a shower for her. Here are my issues. I no more have the money or the heart to do it. The thought of it really brings tears to my eyes. I have avoided baby showers for years and now I have to give one? I can already see the party in my head. I'll hold myself together pretty well. The guests will not see that I just want to go cry for an hour in the bathroom. Then there will be that one person that thinks that they are being nice and will say something to the affect that mine will be next. I will then have to whip out the giant ninja sword that I keep in my purse and stab that person to death, twice. I won't get my deposit back on the room due to the blood soaked carpet. I'll end up going to prison and share a cell with someone named Fistie. Okay, Okay, I know. I just don't want to do it. How do I tell A? Do I just suck it up and be an adult and more importantly a good sister? Am I being totally selfish by not wanting to do it? Can I hold myself together enough to do it? Please, someone tell me what to do!!

While I'm on it, I have something else that I just need to get out there. I want to take out that giant ninja sword from my purse and kill my husband, just once. Okay not really. Frenchie is the greatest man. He really is. The thing is that I feel like I'm all alone in this wait. He's very practical. He sees the wait as an opportunity to control debt. If nothing happens for a year then the student loan will be paid off. If it goes out a year and a half, no biggie because the one of the cars will be paid off. He sees me as being impatient. I don't see it as impatience as much as heartache. Just like everyone else we have financial stress. I do understand that. I'm just not sure that he always understands that if I really do crack like a nut, it will cost even more to keep me medicated in the looney bin. I know that he wants a family just as much as I do, but some times I wouldn't mind seeing that. I guess in the end since I'm perhaps overly emotional that he needs to be the steady rock. So why am I bitching?

Can you tell that I'm feeling sorry for myself BIG TIME? I'm not sure if it's the holidays. It could be PMS. It could be that I'm always on the verge of a melt down, but never let myself go there and get it over with.

In other non complaining / negative spews, I made the cutest baby size quilt top this weekend. Just the top since we won't learn the actual quilting part until next week. Still, I'm in love with it. I keep looking at it still beaming with pride. I can't help it. When I'm proud of something that I have created it just takes over. Silly I know, but I'm okay with it. At first I thought that I was going to make it for one of the many pregnant girls in my life. Now, I don't know. Do I really like any of them enough to part with my beloved quilt top? Maybe, I'll think about it.

Hope that you all have a lovely and happy Thanksgiving.