Happy Birthday Dad!!

Let me start by saying that my dad is my hero. I would have been a completely different person without him in my life. I think that I get my love of kids from him. He doesn't really care if the kid is freaked out by him or not. He just wants to play. The kids in the neighborhood call him the "Candy Man". Why? Because he always has treats for the lot of them. If there is a kid out there with something to sell my dad has got his wallet out. I find that I'm starting to do the same. My dad was there to show me from the age of seven that blood does not make a family, love does. If there was ever a case to be made about love at first sight, it would be that from the moment that we met him we loved him and he loved us too. It's a common statement in our home that my parents didn't get married, all of us as a family got married. My poor dad lived in a house with four girls. He was a little out numbered to say the least. Cramps, girl fights, and drama was his life for all these years. I knew that he always wanted a son, but never once have I heard him say that. He would not have traded one of us for the world. My dad has always supported me in what ever I wanted or needed to do. If I fell, we was there to help me up. That's just the way that my dad is. It's hard sometimes. When I feel that my dad is not being respected as he should be. I feel like kicking some ass. But Dad, he's all about forgiving and being the better person. He's a manly man, but he's all about love and family. My dad and I have a different relationship together than he has with the other girls. It was he and I that only had each other to lean on when my mom was sick. It always meant so much to me that he knew that I was strong enough for him. It really changes your life when your dad sees you as not only an adult but an equal. Yet, my dad will always let me be that little girl when I need my daddy. I guess that's all I have to say about that today. I love you Dad! Have a very happy birthday and be a good boy!

Lots of Referral Pictures -

If anyone needs a 'pick me up' go check out referrals at www.julydragonflies.com. You can't help but to smile and laugh. Referral pictures are cute and funny at the same time.

Getting Schooled...

We have our first CCAI class tomorrow. I believe that is Parenting Through Developmental Stages. It's one of the three required classes that we have to take. I figure that once we get through those three we can decide what would be the best classes for us personally to take. I'm really interested in the baby sign language class that they offer. CCAI really does offer some great sounding classes. I'm just happy that we are not too far away from CCAI so that we don't have to make travel arraignments to do them. I do wonder what those people who live 6 hours away handle them. I would just love it if I could make friends with a "mom" in the class. I'm only semi-outgoing. At work I'll make friends with anyone that I want, but in my home life not so much. I don't know why that is. I'm a completely different person at work than I am at home. At work I'm confident in who I am. I have tons of friends. I'm funny and will dish it out to just about anyone that can take it. At home I can only seem to makes friends with the neighborhood kids. I just don't know how to make the parents my buddy. I'm not in control and I feel very self conscience. Still, I would really like to make friends with somebody that I can connect with. Someone that I can go through the wait together with. I'd like it if Frenchie and I weren't so alone in the adoption. I have the best friends anyone could ask for in real life. There numbers aren't huge, but it's quality over quantity that counts. The thing is that they don't really know and as much as they try that will never change. It's like I can feel for Shane's struggle trying to find love and friendship in homoland. I just can't know what he's really going through because I'm not in it. All the love and support that I give doesn't take away from the fact that he's going through it alone. So, the point is that I'd really like to get myself an adoption buddy. I would like to be there to support a friend that's going through the same thing.

Deep Thoughts.... By Jack Handy

Last night there was an SNL 100 best moments on E!. I had forgotten all about my LOVE of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy. Here are a few gems to brighten your day.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him.

Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.

I don't think that I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

Dad always said that laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time for no good reason.

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't be quite so funny.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.

From the plain girl...

I'm not ever going to pretend to be little miss high fashion. It's true that I'm made fun of for being "too plain" by the queen of leopard print. I just have to get a few items off my chest that really bother me these days.
1. Short boots. You know what I'm talking about right? They cut off cut above the ankle. Really, why would anyone think that these are cute? I vomit in my mouth a little when I see them.
2. Speaking of vomiting, what's up with leggings? I can think of few things that are less flattering on women. We all know that the stirrups trend always follows the leggings trend. Lets stop the evil cycle now!!
3. WHY?WHY?WHY? Why are they bring back the skinny pant? Maybe it's just because I'm a big girl, but the very thought of the skinny pant sends chills down my spine. Skinny jeans should only be worn by boys in British punk bands. That's it. No one else should be allowed to wear them!
4. Saggy jeans. This was popular when I was in high school. Please stop if your ass is hanging out the back of your pants! You are not cool. You look like an idiot.
5. Cartoon clothing. If you are an adult please act like one. It's not cute to wear a clothing with cartoon characters on them. Sure, Winnie the Poo is great, but do really want to wear Poo? Cartoon character clothing should only be worn by small children. If you are not longer a small child then you should just step away.
6. Muffin tops. This may not be an article of clothing, but it should be discussed just the same. I understand as a big girl that it's not always easy to find things in your size that are cute. The thing is that when you are a size 14 and you are squeezing your ass into jeans that are a size 10 it's just not a pretty sight. And for what ever reason you feel that you have to add to the outfit by wearing a shirt that it way too short. Nobody wants to see the fat that has over flowed from the tightness of the jeans. I just need you to know that people make fun of you. It's not sexy.

Comments..

So I've changed my mind and have activated the comments section to my blog. So basically, you can leave a comment good, bad, or indifferent. Hopefully we can skip the bad, but that's a chance that I have to take.

DMB & LID

The Dave Matthew Band (DMB) last night was very good. Too bad I was so damn cranky! I'll get back to that in a moment. I did sit next to a midget. Yes, I said midget. That was fun. He was high off his ass all night. That was fun too. I didn't take any that was offered, but it was hard to resist. I'm not going to lie, I LOVE the smell. I know that it's weird, but it's true. Besides, a midget offered me pot!! How fun is that? Dave is so damn totally hot that it's not even funny. I really love this man. I know that he's not traditionally good looking and I can't explain why he's crazy sexy. Given the chance I'd have lots and lots of dirty sex with the man. He really is on like my top three. Yummmmeeeee!

So yes, I was wearing my cranky pants yesterday. It was just bad timing. I didn't want to be cranky, but I was. It had nothing to do with Frenchie. I just needed to be left alone. Naturally it's hard to be alone when you are with your husband at a concert. CC and I talk all the time about our husband's "man cave". I figured out that I need to get me one of those too.

Tomorrow marks 3 months of being logged into China (LID). It's like a drop in a bucket I guess. In good news about the adoption I have made a friend that knows nothing of it all. He never asks about it. He never has any questions about it. He has never told me to be patient. He has never tried to get me in contact with his cousin's friend that adopted from China. Not that he has a cousin who has a friend, but I get that kind of stuff all the time. What I'm trying to say is that it's so lovely to have someone not know. I love it when conversation lags that my adoption isn't the easy convo for him.

I'm so excited! I get to see Dave Matthews Band tonight! I love them and have never been able to see them live. It's not for a lack of touring. It's just that the timing never worked out before. I'm so happy that it has now.

I'm still not sure where my future lies at work, but for now I think that I'm okay. I've just been told to prepare for changes and that we need to look at the big picture.

Going back to the latest wedding. The days before were very scheduled and rushed. A and I literally had no room in our day to very from the schedule. It was nice to be so involved in the wedding work. It made me feel like more than a member of the bridal party. I really liked Steve's friends that were involved as well. And naturally I'm even more endeared to Steve. I really dig it that he feels comfortable enough with me to show his jerk-ass side. Anyway, the day before the wedding was rainy and cold. It must be a thing with us sisters because just like mine and N's the weather was perfect for the wedding. There was some drama between my sisters. That was hard and I'm not even going to play it like it wasn't. Staying positive about their drama; it's nice to be the favorite!! Speaking of favorites, my Uncle John was there. Some day I'll get all mushy and tell you what this man means to me and how important he is in my life. I'd totally never tell him and I think that he would prefer that. My cousin Caren brought her new husband and new baby. The baby is as damn cute! He looks just like his dad. Her husband seems really nice, but no matter how much I begged I couldn't get him to say much to me. To be honest I don't really care and I don't mean that in a bad way. The thing is that there is such a difference in Caren since she has been with Jack. It's great to see her happy and with no drama. So in the end it doesn't matter if he wants to chat with me or not. I dig him just for making Caren so happy. My grandparents were cute as all get out as usual. I didn't get to spend near as much time with them as I wanted, but the schedule didn't really allow for that. I'll call them this week and try to make up for it. I know that they understand, but it still sucks. If I start talking about the kids I'll never stop, so I'll move. The morning after the wedding we met A & Steve for breakfast before we headed home. They were thrilled with the way that they wedding turned out.

N came home with me so that she could fly out of Denver. It was nice to spend some one on one time with her. Once we got to my house I was able to load her up with baby stuff. Some of the stuff that she had given me when Frenchie and I were trying to get pregnant. She thought that it was funny. I thought that it was sad. I guess there are just two different perspectives to it. I felt bad since she was flying out on 9/11. I didn't want to make a big deal about it or anything so I didn't mention it.

It's crazy to think that 9/11 was five years ago. I'm not sure if it feels longer or shorter than that. Back then I was still in my same job, but doing it from Rifle. I was seeing the biggest bastard on the planet. Buff and I were still roommates. I remember that the person staying with us was pissed because they canceled baseball for like a week after 9/11. What a jack-ass. I was about 25 lbs lighter. I was having a really hard time back then in my personal life. It's just crazy to see they way that the world and my place in it has changed since then. I'm not one of those people that can check out the 9/11 movies. It's still too soon for me. I know that I would not be able to deal at all. Still to this day I think about all the people that were lost. Either in the towers or on a plane, it's just too much.

I'm back..

The last week has been a total blur. The wedding was a crazy rush to get everything done. In the end it all turned out to be very beautiful. My dress was a little too low cut for my taste. It was my boobs galore. I really spent the entire night with my hand over my chest. Don't get me wrong, I don't have any issues with showing some cleavage, but even this was too much for me. It didn't help that my beloved grandfather was right there. - I'll give you guys the full wedding scoop when I have more time.

On the way back home I got some disturbing news about work. I'll have to wait to see where my future lies, but I feel that I'll be leaving my job. The information that was given to me literally took me off my feet. My poor family thought that I was being told that someone died. Yes, I hate my job. The thing is that my department is my family. I don't know what we'll do financially.

Frenchie found out yesterday that his friend, John, has passed away. It was so hard to see Frenchie try to work through it. John was not just a friend but a hero to him as well. Frenchie referred to John as a "god" in the geek world. The thing is that John once told me that it was he that actually admired Frenchie. He would always make sure that I understood what an insanely smart man I married.

Misc...

A was very happy with her bridal shower. That made me feel so good. It was a hard day. I couldn't thank Ang enough for all her help. In the end I needed an extra person, but more so I needed her. I got to meet some of the ladies in Steve's family. I could not help but to be offended by his mother. I felt like she was there as a favor and that I was being judged.

Don't tell A, but the thing I'm most excited for is seeing the kids at her wedding. I haven't seen any of the kids in my family for well over a year. Okay so I got to spend some time with Zachary, but not enough to count (less than an hour is just not enough for me). I love all of these kids with everything that I've got. I don't get to see them very often because we live nine hours apart. The thing is that I really do feel that I am close to these kids no matter time or distance. There is not one kid that I love more than the other. They are all so special. I just can't even tell you how much that I miss them.

Frenchie took care of me last night so that I might feel better today. I actually worked myself into getting ill. I've just over-dosed myself on stress and I don't seem to be dealing with it well. I've actually decided to see a therapist. I think that it could only do good things for me at this point. I don't think that I'm crazy. I do think that I could use some help in dealing with the adoption wait and perhaps some infertility stuff lingering in my head. I never seen a therapist before and I'm not really sure what to expect or how to get it all started. Frenchie does support it if it's what I want so I figure that it's a good enough starting point there.

Must vent!!

I feel like I've been pushed too far over the edge and I'm about to fall. Between work and demands on my personal time I can't take much more. Work is pure hell. I dream of quitting. Financially I'm just toast. Both weddings for my sisters has just fucked my bank account as well as my credit cards. I don't feel like even my personal time is mine. I'm on such a tight schedule that I don't have time to be still even for a moment. I'm so damn tired. The last six weeks has just about done me in. The best part is that I have at least another week. I just wish that I had something to hold onto right now. The adoption just makes it all worse. I'm really worried that I'm going to snap with the next person that says something stupid about it. I just don't want to play any more. I am so tired. I don't have anything more to give. Nothing to give at work for sure. Nothing to give for friends. Nothing to give at home.

Just little notes...

I hadn't blogged in a few days so I thought that I would do a little. Not so much to talk about, but give me a couple of days and I'm sure there will be plenty of stories to tell.

I did want to mention that my little man Michael had his first day of kindergarten. I'm so happy for him. I know that he is going to make a ton of friends. He's just so cute and sweet. Kacey started middle school this week. He was most impressed with the development of all the little girls. I never know how to react when we talks to me about that stuff. It's good that he feels comfortable in talking to me, but the fact that he is sprouting hair is not something that I'm too cool in talking to him about. That situation deserves a YIKES.

So CC and I went to see Little Miss Sunshine the other night. LOVED IT! Everyone should totally go see it. I really can't tell you the last time that I laughed that much at a movie. It was funny, touching, and so well done.

A's bridal shower is this weekend. I'm praying that everything will be good. It's been so crazy since we got home that I have only had a short amount of time to work on it. Cross your fingers for me.

I forgot to mention that while we were out at N's wedding that referrals came out. The numbers were dismal at best. Everyone was hoping that they would be much higher, but that didn't happen. I'm going through this weird kind of numb thing about the adoption these days. I haven't wanted to talk about it at all. I don't put that much thought into it. Don't get me wrong. I'm not mad, sad, or upset in any way. Just numb and pretty happy about that.