Deep Thoughts.... By Jack Handy

Last night there was an SNL 100 best moments on E!. I had forgotten all about my LOVE of Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy. Here are a few gems to brighten your day.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at him.

Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.

I don't think that I'm alone when I say I'd like to see more and more planets fall under the ruthless domination of our solar system.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

Dad always said that laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.

If trees could scream, would we be so cavalier about cutting them down? We might, if they screamed all the time for no good reason.

We used to laugh at Grandpa when he head off and go fishing. But we wouldn't be laughing that evening when he'd come back with some whore he picked up in town.

Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. Then it wouldn't be quite so funny.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

When I was a kid my favorite relative was Uncle Caveman. After school we'd all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us. It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.