Our last.....

So last night at the adoption agency I was talking to one of the ladies that works there about wait times and things like that. She was saying that she felt that during the wait celebrations must take place so that it's not all negative stewing and waiting around. I don't disagree with that. My thing is that the next year will be filled with "lasts". It will be my very last most dreaded Mother's Day. I truly hate Mother's Day with everything I have. If there was one day of the year that I could skip, that would be it. That means that it will be Frenchie's last Father's Day without being a dad. The last 4th of July without sparklers to excite my daughter. Our last anniversary that we won't have to get a sitter to celebrate our day. The last Halloween that I don't have a kid of my own to dress up in a cute little costume. The last Christmas where Santa will be skipping our house. I'm excited about our lasts. People always say that if they knew it was going to be last whatever they would have enjoyed it more. Since I do know, I'm really going to take the time to enjoy every last that I have.

Just having a good day.

I am having the best damn day. There is nothing terribly exciting about it, but it's just nice. I had the most perfect amount of work today. Not only the amount, but the kind of work I have had today has been so great. Everything is a nice little challenge, but not too difficult. We are going to go to CCAI to get some adoption stuff done. The more we get done there the happier I am.

That reminds me. The big rumor out there is that referral times are going up to 18 months. I'm not really going to let that get to me too much right now. There is really no way to predict the future so I'm not going to stress a bunch of rumors that are started by people that have way too much time and negativity on their hands. There is nothing that we can do about it anyway if it were true. Sure it would totally suck, but there is no way around that. As it stands with the current time frames it is still long, but maybe we can save some moola. I have to decorate the most fun nursery any way. That alone will take time. I am really excited about the nursery. I plan and replan it every day. I seriously change my mind every time I picture it. I can't wait. I just want little Miss Sophie to have the best. Okay, so she won't have any clue. I just think that she'll need something extra special after living in an orphanage for most of her very young life. I also plan to go overboard with clothing and really all things pretty. This little girl could be the poster child for spoiled kids.

Freeze Frame

I forgot to mention that we got finger printed this weekend. The office is way out in Saudi-Aroara. We decided to take an adventure and drive all the way back home on East Colfax. It's just so different from our little suburbia. I really dig that there are so many little mom and pop shops out there. We really don't have that in our area. I could NEVER live out there because it's the total ghetto, but we had fun.

We were going through a ton of pictures to look for stuff to send with our dossier. It's really funny to look back at pictures right around our wedding. I remember thinking that I was a total cow. Now I look at those pictures and think that I looked so good. My weight was fine. I had long pretty hair. I had a tan. It makes me wonder that in the future I'll look at pictures of me now and think that I looked good or what ever. It's funny the way we see ourselves in pictures. My mom's high school junior picture is her favorite picture ever. It's so cute that she really does worship that picture. I want a picture like that.

Through Another's Eyes

So we had our last SW visit for the home study. I have said it before, but I'll say it again. I LOVE our SW. She had a rough draft of her report to show us. It's very interesting to see our lives through her eyes. It was sad but flattering. I'm still kinda freaked out by it. Everything in there is stuff that we talked about so I can't claim that it's not from us. It was all very accurate, but so strange. Frenchie and I both thought that each others lives seemed tragic. She was very sweet to the both of us. She said that we were a very warm couple. She was very complimentary of our marriage and our home. The way that she described me made me feel great about myself.
We are waiting for our physicals to be completed now. Once that is done I think that we can start with the notarization, certification, and authentication process. I really don't understand it that much. I feel lost in how all of this works. Thank god I have Frenchie who actually understands what is going on. We would be pretty screwed if he was as clueless as I am.

Pregnant Chicks

I get a lot of questions about my feeling about pregnant chicks. Seriously they are popping up every where. When we were trying to conceive, it was hard on me to hear about friends or family that had gotten pregnant. It wasn't that I wished that it was me and not them. It was just my own self pitty and I would have "why not me too" moments. They usually got pregnant without meaning to or on their first month trying. There was even a friend that did not want me to know at all so that I wouldn't be hurt. That was very kind, but it made me feel like a shit friend. I lied a lot during that time. I would make up excuses not to go to baby showers and would just mail a gift. I guess that I just didn't want to put myself through the self pitty or worse, other people's pitty. These days, things are great. I love hearing about all the pregnant girls. I realize that I will have to wait longer to have my baby, but they have to be pregnant (morning sickness, hemroids, stretch marks, LABOR). There is no pitty party. I love the way that feels. I guess through it all I have gone through every emotion. I believe that it has made me a better and stronger person. So to all of those that get knocked up, I am so happy for you!