Broken Record.....

Still no 171. I have never attacked the mail box like I do these days. I can't even make it into the house before I'm carefully looking through every piece of junk mail. Getting this 171 would be better than Christmas, loosing weight, and hell better than dirty sex with Brad Freak'n Pitt (even in Legends & Troy).

There is some very happy news to report. The new referral batches are out. Lucky parents all over the world are getting information and pictures of their babies today. You can't help but feel the excitement in the China adoption world. The part that I love the most is that people will post the pictures and info of these beautiful little girls.

The difference..........

Still no 171. Frenchie told me last night that I am having such a hard time with it all since I want things to happen on my own time. I can't disagree with that, but who doesn't? Last night I was talking to my pregnant girlfriend who is eight months along. I was totally understanding while she talked for quite some time about how she just wanted to have this baby already. She spoke about how uncomfortable she is all the time and how big she is. She said that she couldn't wait to be done with it. When we started talking about the adoption and I told her that once our stuff was logged into China (hopefully in June) that our wait time at the moment look to be ten to fourteen months. Seriously, she said to me that "Well fourteen months is ONLY five more months than a real pregnancy." I may not have any physical symptoms of having a baby, but this consumes my life. Not a full minute goes by that I don't think about it. Honestly, it has taken a toll on me emotionally and mentally. I just don't understand why it's okay for someone pregnant to talk about wanting to have her baby sooner and if I say anything I'm told that it's not a big deal. The wait hurts me to the core, but because it's an adoption and not a pregnancy, my feelings don't count as much. If you have ever met me, you know how much all of this means to me. It's not just simple impatience. I wish that it were that easy. I do not consider adoption second best than giving birth to a biological child. It's just so much harder. I just can't find anyone that can see that. I know that Frenchie would like me to chill about the adoption, but that's about as easy as cutting off my own arm. I really do think that I am being patient because I'm being forced to. There is nothing that I can do to speed up this process, so I may need to talk it through or vent about the wait to get by. I just want to be able to do so without being judged.

I don't want to play it like I'm always some negative nelly. This is just my place to get things off my chest that I need to. There are lots of positive things going on. My hair is getting longer and it's kinda pretty. I may just keep it long even after my sister's wedding. I think that I'm going to start tanning soon. I don't want to be miss fake and bake or anything. I'm just looking for a little color. The tanning bed gives you that much needed "sun" boost and just makes you feel better. I'll be able to plant my flowers in a couple of weeks. I love flowers!! I think that I have finally got it figured out this year so that it will look nice. I just started planting a couple of years ago and had NO idea what I was doing. I've convinced myself that this will be the year that it will be just the way that I want it. I know that it's silly, but I'm totally excited about my flowers this year.

Asian Girl Stalker....

This weekend was pretty nice. Ang and I hung a bit on her birthday on Saturday. Went to the mall and wandered around. The mall is a bad place for me. Not just because I spend more money than I have. The mall is the best place for me to see young Asian girls. Naturally, I stalk them. It's not that I get too creepy or anything, I just want to look that's all. I'll do it for as long as it takes for me to be noticed as a stalker. I don't want to freak out parents or anything, I just want to imagine that is what Sophia will look like. I'm totally not the only one that does this. I read blogs all the time that talk about the same thing. In fact, my own SW said that she used to do the same thing. It really did make me feel less dirty about my Asian girl stalking habits. My friends know that I do it and don't seem to mind yet. Shane says that he is know stalking these girls for me as well. I love it that my best friends are becoming so vested in this adoption. I can't tell you how good it feels to have that support. There are so many people out there that do not have the support that I do. Sure, I still get tons of offensive remarks from those near and dear from time to time, but I don't get too bent yet. It's something that I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life.

Every trip to the mall also means a trip to Pottery Barn Kids. I have to go in every single time. I will drag who ever I am with in there with no regard to how they feel about it. Hey, at least I'm honest. I have never bought anything from there, but I sure do have a list. I have a PBK catalogue at home that I look at 12 times a day. There is just the most perfect quilt in there that I have to have. The colors send a tingle down my spine and I imagine her room all finished. It gives me some peace for a little bit. I guess that I must look like an insane person to someone that has never been in my shoes. Thankfully, I read blogs from people that help me to realize that I am certainly not alone or crazy. Frenchie is always very sweet not to make me feel to obsessive about it all. He doesn't do anything like I do, but seems to understand my need. That or he is totally used to it and it's no big deal after all of this time.

I made my first cake,since I have been given another try, that I am pretty proud of. It is just the cutest thing ever. It's pink castle. Totally a little girlie cake. I made it for the girl down the street. It wasn't a hard cake to do, but I did really work hard on making just perfect. I hadn't realized how much I loved that feeling of being so proud of a cake. And I am very proud.

We sent out more docs to be authenticated this weekend. Still no 171, but at least we are almost able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. The next batch that comes out of China will be very important. It indicates for at least a little bit if the process is going to start to get back on track or slow down even more. Even though we are not even LID yet, I have already become addicted to the rumor boards. You can't really hold too much stock in it all, but I understand why people have to look every day anyway. It's the only place where there is any news at all. Even if it's made up, people need something to help them get by. Agencies only give news when they have it confirmed and then double checked. Really, there is never any news coming from the agencies. CCAA just did a visit to all the major agencies in the US. It's hard because there was really no more information that came out of that than we had before. It's a desperation for information that we all need.

One out of two aint bad....

Well the 171 didn't come in, but I did get an e-mail from Buff. So all in all I would say that I had a great birthday. The guys at work decorated my office. Z sent me a VERY phalic duck. Frenchie made the best dinner and we just hung out. I got great gifts and lots of love. Who could ask for any more? Okay I could ask for more. I REALLY wanted that 171. Both Frenchie and I on edge waiting for that one envelope to come in.

Oh, Frenchie and I decided to go to Savannah for our anniversary this fall. It's going to be so nice. He's been once before and just loved it. I have never been so I'm already excited.

Birthday Wish....

Okay so I know that I'm not supposed to tell my birthday wishes, but what the hell. First and foremost I want our 171 to come in the mail today. I want it soooo bad!! I'm starting to do the entire freak out thing since we haven't gotten it yet. Once we have that we will be on our last lap before we go to critical review. I can't help but to beg the powers that be to pretty please let us get that today!!!! My next Birthday wish would to receive a call from Buff. I'll stay optimistic and hope that she calls, but I won't expect it. I have learned a very important lesson; never test a friendship unless you are prepared to get your grade. It just felt like I was the only one that ever called. So in a brilliant move on my part I decided to wait until she called me next. That was in December. I have not heard from her at all. Now it's like I'm not sure if I was forcing a friendship or what. So I don't want to call her and make her be my friend when she just might want me to leave her alone.

I'm going to have lunch today with the lovely CC. She just passed the second part of her realty test. I am so happy for her. She is just one of those people that you only want the best for. I really can't express how cool she is. So I am really happy to get to hang out with her even for a little bit today.

So last night as we were driving to the restaurant Frenchie looks at me and says "This is the last night of your twenties." After I beat him for saying that, I made damn sure that I spent those last few hours as happy as I could be. I was with my best friends in the world. Ang and Shane aren't just my friends, they are my family. It was a very nice evening.

I made Frenchie promise that we would spend tonight just cuddling on the couch. We haven't been able to kick back and do nothing for a while and just the thought of it relaxes my nerves.