The difference..........

Still no 171. Frenchie told me last night that I am having such a hard time with it all since I want things to happen on my own time. I can't disagree with that, but who doesn't? Last night I was talking to my pregnant girlfriend who is eight months along. I was totally understanding while she talked for quite some time about how she just wanted to have this baby already. She spoke about how uncomfortable she is all the time and how big she is. She said that she couldn't wait to be done with it. When we started talking about the adoption and I told her that once our stuff was logged into China (hopefully in June) that our wait time at the moment look to be ten to fourteen months. Seriously, she said to me that "Well fourteen months is ONLY five more months than a real pregnancy." I may not have any physical symptoms of having a baby, but this consumes my life. Not a full minute goes by that I don't think about it. Honestly, it has taken a toll on me emotionally and mentally. I just don't understand why it's okay for someone pregnant to talk about wanting to have her baby sooner and if I say anything I'm told that it's not a big deal. The wait hurts me to the core, but because it's an adoption and not a pregnancy, my feelings don't count as much. If you have ever met me, you know how much all of this means to me. It's not just simple impatience. I wish that it were that easy. I do not consider adoption second best than giving birth to a biological child. It's just so much harder. I just can't find anyone that can see that. I know that Frenchie would like me to chill about the adoption, but that's about as easy as cutting off my own arm. I really do think that I am being patient because I'm being forced to. There is nothing that I can do to speed up this process, so I may need to talk it through or vent about the wait to get by. I just want to be able to do so without being judged.

I don't want to play it like I'm always some negative nelly. This is just my place to get things off my chest that I need to. There are lots of positive things going on. My hair is getting longer and it's kinda pretty. I may just keep it long even after my sister's wedding. I think that I'm going to start tanning soon. I don't want to be miss fake and bake or anything. I'm just looking for a little color. The tanning bed gives you that much needed "sun" boost and just makes you feel better. I'll be able to plant my flowers in a couple of weeks. I love flowers!! I think that I have finally got it figured out this year so that it will look nice. I just started planting a couple of years ago and had NO idea what I was doing. I've convinced myself that this will be the year that it will be just the way that I want it. I know that it's silly, but I'm totally excited about my flowers this year.