The Dream Poem

As a girl I had a common dream, to be a mom someday. My baby would have eyes of blue and hair the hue of hay. But now my dreams have been transformed. New visions fill my head. Now the tresses that long to stroke are raven black instead. And in my dreams those eyes are not so big or blue or round. Now in my dreams they're almond shaped and colored cocoa brown. And in my dreams my arms can stretch across enormous seas. They reach half way around the world and hold you close to me. As you grow in your mother's womb, carefully knit together, you're also growing in my heart, where you will stay forever. And in my dreams the moment that your mother says good-bye, I'll be there to comfort you and hold you as you cry. Our feathers may not look alike; we are as different as can be. But I still know the Father has created you for me. And though I have not seen your face, or held your tiny hands, and though we're half a world apart in very different lands. I'll be right there to get you as soon as God allows. But 'till he says the time is right I give you this vow. I'll pray for your protection every day on bent knee. For God to hold you in his arms until you're here with me.

I didn't write that. I just like it.

I still have not been able to bring myself to talk to N. I don't want to do it until I can be as happy and supportive as I can be. Right now I'm still wallowing in my own self pitty. I can only hope that N will understand my feelings right now. It occurred to me last night that A's baby will be at least a year before we bring my Sophie home. That hurts. I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't. Don't get me wrong, my issue is not that I want what they have. It's just the wait that hurts. With other girls it's not such a huge thing. My own sisters makes it far more difficult because it's in my face all of the time. My family is very excited for the girls as they should be. Trust me, there is a lot of talk. I'm not going to ask them to not talk or be excited. So I need to figure something else out pretty soon.

In other news I got my delivery from the best store ever (aka Pottery Barn Kids). Frenchie actually said "I love it!". Creepy. He never says that. It made me feel great that he was so pleased with my purchases(and the ones before that). We laid in that room last night. We didn't say too much. Just laid there and day-dreamed. I know that it means just as much to him, I'm just far more vocal about it. He some how figured out how to not be an exposed nerve. I hope to get caught back up with my super chicked out guest room that will someday be her nursery. I really don't have too much work left to do to make it a functioning room.