Rumor Queen is the Devil!!

We have not even been LID for a month and I have already become completely insane. It's so hard to read the Rumor Queen. In the same damn post she'll say that projections show that we could go up to a two year wait and in the next sentence she'll say that she's heard that they are going to start doing full months of referrals again. I feel bi-polar by the end of one paragraph. Why do I read this crap every day? My guess is that I secretly a bad girl who needs to be punished. What ever the reason I read it every day. Yes, I think I'm stupid for it too. I figure that if I'm this bad now I'll be totally screwed in six months.

I'm not sure if I have mentioned it yet or not but we have started on the "nursery". It may look like total crap right now, but each step is looking exactly like I had planned. It's exciting to see your vision come to life. I love to go in there and just look around. I like to pretend that the room is complete and we have brought our little girl home. The room is so important to me. Not only is it something for her, but I think that it's my only way right now to express my pure love for this child. Yes, I love this child that hasn't even been born yet. Hell, I don't even know if she has been conceived yet. I have no idea what she looks like. I don't know who she is. Things like if she's affectionate or not is a mystery to me. I don't know anything other than I love her. It's not like the word "love". It's the love with the strength of my love for my husband or my family. I know how crazy I sound and that's okay.