The song remembers when....

Isn't it crazy that a song can take you back to a different time and place? The radio is killing me today with a rush of memories. It may not bother me so much, but they are memories of friendships that I miss so much. The first song that hit me in the gut was Building A Mystery by Sarah McLachlan. Every single time I think of this song I'm back in the fall of 1997. Jose and I had been in our longest fight ever. He shows up at my house one night with bag in hand and tells me that he still does not want to be my friend, but wants to install new car speakers for me. It was funny, but you couldn't laugh at him. If you did he'd say screw it and no long attempt to make peace. We went out to the parking lot of my apartment in the chilly evening. We didn't talk at all. He installed the speakers and I just sat there. Once he was done he turned on the radio and that song was playing. I don't know why but it always sticks out in my mind. There was nothing romantic or anything like that, just really good friends that fought too much. Still to this day it was one of the sweetest things that anyone has ever done for me. Once that memory hits I think of the last time that we spent any time together at all and how extremely rude I was to him. We had been friends for so many years, but I was so damn bitter that he wasn't in my life any more. I know that it's stupid, but that's me. I strike out to those that I care about the most. Anyway, the next song that played was I Want It That Way by the Back Street Boys. Before you start laughing, I know. Buff and I had gone through this total secretive love of pop music for a while. It was silly and stupid, but so much fun all at the same time. It was a guilty pleasure. The best part was that we had choreographed car dance moves to these songs. I Want It That Way was our favorite. Still, I can't not smile thinking about the asses we made of ourselves in her little Ford Escort. I guess the same thing happens when I think of all the drama and hell we put each other through towards the end. The both of us became almost cruel to the other. Our relationship has been strained since. No matter what happens I'll always think of the stupid ass shit we did from Village Inn at 2:00 AM to meet boys to "sexy" farting and belching. What can I say, we were total ladies. That time of my life will always be remembered as great. I will always cherish that friendship and that chapter of my life.

I'm not trying to play it off like I am the worst friend in the world, but like everyone I have made my mistakes. The friends that I play with these days are secretly worshipped by me. I would totally never let them know that. I also think that "shape" of my friends have changed. I'm all over the board including Frenchie (my best friend)and my sister A that has become one of my best friends that I have ever had. I have kept older friends and gained interesting new ones. No matter what happens I'll always love all my friends both past and present. Yes, even that friend back in the day that was, shall we say, bi-polar. I'd love to rebuild or make stronger friendships with both Jose and Buff. Time will tell if that has worked out the way that I would like.

I checked the CCAI web site today and there are no changes. I'll let you know just as soon as I hear something.

Since my last post........

Since it's been such a long ass time since I have updated you I'll skim the last month of activity.
1. We did in fact get our 171. I was in Grand Junction when Frenchie called me to give the good news. The funny thing is that I had been crying like a baby to the girls about it just a half hour before he called. We are waiting for Frenchie's BC to come back from yet another stop. The good news is that CCAI did take what we had of our dossier to start critical review. We'll be DTC and LID before we know it.
2. My trip to Grand Junction was good. I got to play with the Z's and my Belly. Oh, I also got to spend a few hours with my cute little Russian. I do have to admit that I would rather eat my shoe than work over there. It is such a battle zone. Those people (because it's not just the girls)are some times hard to figure out. You really have no idea if someone is your best friend or worst enemy. It's the craziest thing. It made me realize that I may feel a little lonely over here at work from time to time but at least there is not the drama.
3. My trip to Seattle was good, but strained at the same time. The good news is that A and I got to know Nate better. We really like him a lot now. He's a sharp one. I really dig the way that he handled all of the loudness that takes place when the family gets together. I'm really excited that he'll be my BIL soon. I can't help but to think of what great guys the three of us have landed. Frenchie is the best thing to ever happen to me. I have a new found adoration of Nate. And we all know that I want to adopt Steve. N wasn't exactly thrilled with us. It was just hard to go all that way up there for her and feel like she wished we were different. Her shower went well, but attendance was sad. She never said anything about it. My hope is that she was happy with what was planned for her. I really did put my heart into it. I was completely devastated that there weren't more people to be at the party with her. The last day of the trip was Mother's Day. It was so hard. I was proud that I never cried once. I did get teary a couple of times, but that doesn't really count. At least that horrible day is over and I don't have to think about it for an entire year. Frenchie never gets too down about Father's Day. It's really impressive.
4. I spent the rest of my time off just kicking back. Frenchie left for business as soon as I got home. I had plenty of time to veg. There were several days that I didn't even up on make up. That right there is huge for me. I rented the first season of Lost. That was a huge mistake because now I am hooked. I want the second season to come out like now so that I can start with the first runs next season. Yummy boys that take their shirts off a lot is really the kind of television that I like.
5. My girlfriend Stacy had her second little girl this week. Don't just my spelling, but her name is Baiyler. My cousin Caren had her forth baby a couple of days after. His name is either Colton (or maybe it was Clayton, but I really think Colton).