In my head...

I can feel it coming on strong. No matter how hard I try to fight it, I'm going to hurt. I'm about to crack under the pressure of my own emotions. I had done so well for so long, but not so much lately. There is nothing that I can do speed up this wait. Most days I even question that it will happen. Every day this week I have fought back the tears and tried to redirect my thoughts. As the wait stretches out further and further so do my hopes. I don't know how much further I can go. I wish that there was some sort of miracle cure to my heartache. People must think that I'm a nut job. I try so hard to hold it together on the outside, but on the inside I'm a total mess. How much longer do I really have to go on this way? A year? Two? It's already been so long and so hard. Perhaps I'm just not strong enough to play out this game with the cards I was dealt. I just don't know how much I can take before I fold. Feeling powerless, hurt, and envious has left me trapped in myself. There is just no where to go to escape it.