Meeting my neice....

Well I finally got to meet my niece. The moment that I held her tears started flowing. I still think that she looks just like her daddy in person. The thing is that in person she looks just like my grandmother that passed away several years ago. A has her facial features, but with my nieces dark skin and hair she is so much more my little Granny look a like. It truly did touch me. Friday was just us. It was just great. A and I took her shopping and then just hung out at home. I took the baby to bed with me that night. She was such a good girl for me. She started out in her bassinet. I took her out to feed in the wee hours of the morning and just never put her back. We slept side by side, spooned, and in the end she ended up on my chest. It really was a great night. Saturday was just a blur. We were so busy. A and I took the baby to see Little Miss Russia and "The Boss". I'm not going to lie. It got really hard for me to sit there and not cry. A and Russia talked so much about being pregnant and giving birth that I was sure that I wasn't going to make it out the door without a breakdown. My sister is a MOM. My sister just gave BIRTH. My sister has her DAUGHTER. As happy as I am it really did mess with my emotion. Don't freak, I didn't do or say anything to her. I would never do that to her. Still, it hurt like a punch in the gut. I would look at A with her daughter. She is so small and A is so attentive to her. There is a bond with those two from all that they have been through together in the last nine months. I'll never have that. I'll never have that. I'll never have that. On my way out of town yesterday I stopped to see Ayden. He made me feel so good. He was happy to see me. He was a ball of love and happiness. I know that he loves me now. He may forget me in a few weeks, but he knows and loves me now. I'm going to have to put away his things this week. My home is going to change. It will not longer smell of baby vomit. Diapers will no longer line the back of my couch. This morning I reached into the dishwasher and saw my nipple holder. I took it out and put it out of sight. It felt like I stabbed myself. Anyway, back on track. I also stopped to see my parents before I left. Mom gave me Tink! She a family heirloom that my sister N and I would have fought for. I have to admit that Tink really did make me feel better. Leave it to an inanimate object to make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Mom had also sent me home with some pictures. There are several of Frenchie and myself. All I could think was how big I had gotten and how damn good looking my husband is. I hadn't realized until then how much I had missed him over the weekend. It was so lovely to be home with him curled up on the couch in time for Rome.