The list -

So I totally just stole this list from someone else's bog. The worse part is that it's all true. These are things that people really say. I remember being on the other side. You know the person that's trying to be nice . It's uncomfortable and your not sure what to say. You try to be positive, deflect from their pain, and you even try to be funny. This list was passed off as a list that stupid people say. I'm just not sure that these are stupid or evil people. In fact I know that they are not. You don't know until you are on this side. On my side we become uber defensive and emotional. I can say this about "my people" because it's true. It hurts and angers us. I just don't know what the right thing to say is. I guess if you are one of "my people" and you know what you want to hear let me know. I'd really like to get past my this side and that side thing that I've got in my head.

1.Asking when we will get pregnant or when we will have another child
2.Constantly asking about our infertility treatments .
3.Making light of a failed cycle ·
4.Saying that you know exactly how we feel ·
5.Saying everything happens for a reason ·
6.Telling us to relax ·
7. Telling us to just adopt and then we'll get pregnant ·
8.Telling us that adoption is the easy way ·
9. Telling us that everyone goes through this it's no big deal.
10.Minimizing our pain in an attempt to make us feel better ·
11. Complaining about your kids, or saying we can have your kids for a while and then we wouldn't want any ·
12. Telling us to be patient ·
13. Telling a parent who's adopting that "you might still have a miracle baby someday" when in an adoptive parents eyes their child is a miracle baby ·
14. Telling us we are "trying too hard" ·
15. Telling us that you know a person who tried fertility treatments for years, but then they finally stopped and got pregnant all on their own ·
16. Relatives insisting that we go to brunches for a holiday celebration with lots of babies and children around, especially when we are in the middle of a treatment cycle or a miscarriage · Saying, "I just don't understand why you just don't adopt" ·
17. Saying "It's just terrible that you can't have any children, because I don't want to use my nanny five days a week anymore, I only want her two days a week, and if you had already had babies by now, we could have shared my nanny" ·
18. Asking every month what is going on ·
19. Coming right out and asking if we are pregnant because we look like we've gained weight (The medication we have to take typically causes weight gain) ·
20. Telling us every time you hear about a new infertility technique that is available. Believe us, we are acutely aware of what is out there and it gets exhausting to constantly hear about it from others ·
21. Telling us that you wish we had children too so our kids could play together.
22. Dwelling on your own children's annoying habits or antics It is painful to us to hear people saying things that we would give anything to experience.
23. Realize that seeing, hearing about, or talking to pregnant women can be very difficult even when it's your own sister or best friend.
24. It can be even more difficult to be around pregnant women that are complaining about being pregnant or are unable to discuss anything other than their pregnancy ·
25. Getting angry or hurt when we don't want to discuss infertility constantly after treatment fails telling us that we probably didn't want children that much anyway, especially if we make the decision not to adopt ·
26. Giving baby products or baby heirloom pieces prior to us being pregnant.
27. Telling other people the "good news" prior to a positive pregnancy result ·
28. Family members saying how desperately they want to be an aunt, grandmother, etc WE already know that you do. ·
29. Speaking of adoption as a second or lesser choice If the resolution is that we do adopt, then we will always remember those words and feel that our adopted child is second rate. ·
30. Although you are trying to help, saying optimistic things like "there is no problem and you'll get pregnant soon" actually makes things worse. It invalidates the biggest struggle of your life at that time ·
31. Telling us we are rude and bad friends if we can't talk to or hold your children ·
32. Bringing up years later how you can't believe we missed certain events due to our infertility treatments. We try very hard to let go of the painful past and it would help us so much if you did too ·
33. Telling us that we're "over-reacting" if we choose to avoid going to church on Mother's Day or choose to avoid baby showers or kid's birthday parties ·
34. Calling us "selfish" for not appearing happy for someone else's pregnancy. ·
35. Telling us how lucky we are not to have kids or offering us yours. ·
36. Telling us to just deal with it because if we don't deal with it we won't ever be able to be around pregnant women or little babies ·
37. Forgetting everything we've told you about our treatments and asking us the same questions over and over ·
38. Telling us, don't worry you'll get pregnant next month ·
39. Asking us to hold your child or touch your pregnant belly for good luck .
40. If you tell us a story about someone you know who went through infertility, that's okay, but don't use it as a way to tell us that "in the end, it will be all right" or "you'11 get pregnant too" · 41. Telling us how awful your pregnancy was and telling us we're lucky that we don't have to go through it.
42. Listening to you tell us how easy it was to get pregnant and that it was unplanned ·
43. Listening to you saying how you didn't want your kids so close together .
44. Telling me to get a less stressful job ·
45. Assuming it is the woman with the infertility issues ·
46. Pushing your religious issues on us. We need to do whatever we feel comfortable doing to achieve a pregnancy and have already dealt with the religious issues on our own. We don't need that added pressure from others ·
47. Telling us to enjoy our freedom now ·
48. Telling us that early miscarriages weren't really babies ·
49.Telling us that we are lucky we don't have kids so that we have money to travel, buy new things, etc ·
50. Telling us how lucky we are to go home to a nice quiet house.